I’ve had a pretty weird day today, being all tired and annoyed by everything. It seems whatever I do, I can’t get any amount of work done, so far not a big problem because most of the deadlines are still fairly far away but it’s just another thing adding to the pile of stuff that is coming up and that I would just love to put off forever. So basically, I’m getting a pretty heavy heart thinking about what’s ahead which leads me to not exactly feel comfortable, which does not exactly help me appreciate the little things anymore like bumping into random people I know and making plans for the weekend. I’ve come to think about the fact however that even if I say I feel blue right now I’m not half as miserable as I would be back home in a state of mind like this. Generally, I guess my default mood at home would approximately correspond to a bad mood here, so that in the end I’m still pretty happy right now, by comparison. That makes me wonder however about the reasons for which I’m not half as bad-off here and whether in some way it means that I should move out of Germany for a longer period of time. I’m sure right now that it’s more or less the still pretty exciting things I do here and people I meet that make me think that, that it’s just the exceptional situation making me believe that life is better here, that the grass indeed is greener on this side. But I’m sure to reconsider that when I’m home, I think that might be an actual option and I will definitely give that some thought and see what I can make out of that. I guess that not much good can come out of a gloomy mood like this so I’ll basically just get some homework done and go to bed early and hope that tomorrow life will look differently even if it’s not really different at all. Maybe the couple of things we have planned for the weekend will endow me with a different perspective on things because if there is one thing I’ve learned here is that everything depends on perspective….time and space and people, work, fun, life really…so if that can help make me feel better, just changing the way I see things, I’m happy to be deceived into thinking that everything actually is good.
